How to have time for me without the guilt?

I am trying to understand how to let go of this mommy guilt. I feel it is not needed at all. I know in my mind that I need to take care of myself and it is better for my child, but the heart strings get pulled when she is crying and does not want me to leave. I do not want my child to have a sense of abandonment, however I need her to see me taking care of myself so she will know that she needs to take care of herself.
I am not the first nor will I be that last mom to feel this way. I have decided to go get a massage this week with some saved up money and I am going to really enjoy it. It has been two years since my last massage. I was getting them at least twice per month and it was fantastic. I have let my self care go but no more. It is extreme self care for me one baby step at a time. Okay that is it for now. I will talk to you later.

Tracey

Dealing with an ex-husband

I would like to say that dealing with an ex is easy. Well, NOT. My ex as nice, friendly, and involved as he appears, gives such a false perception to other people.
I am sure he has his own perception and yes there are always two sides to every tale, but this is my blog, let him get his own blog.
So my tale begins where I had scheduled a weekend get away with some friends. I told him at least 6 weeks in advance and asked him if it was possible to schedule a weekend off. He agreed at the time that he would do that.
Fast forward to the weekend I am suppose to leave. I call him to confirm our arrangements. Of course, I know what you are thinking and yes, you are right, he cannot take care of her on Friday. Okay, I agree to leave Saturday morning and meet my friends. He tells our daughter that he will be there in the morning to take her to the aquarium. He tells me he will be there 7:30am. Sleep time comes and goes. I look at my clock and my phone rings at 8:12 am. he then tells me that he cannot get off. So not only am I dissappointed but now my daughter is going to be let down. I decide to take her to the aquarium and he can meet us there and I will go in the afternoon.
Well, yes you are right again, he does not show up until late. I find out that he never scheduled time off and blatantly lied to my face and what is appalling is to our daughter's. I do not understand. He never offerred an explanation once he realized that I had found out that he never requested the time off and lied. Just in case you are wondering how I found out, it was from him and a comment he made in our angry conversation. I just caught him in the lie.
My dilemma is to figure out how to balance my daughter's need to have her father in her life, because to her he is perfect and my need to not have to deal with him and the lying. I feel emotionally abused having to deal with someone who is a habitual liar. I am in the process of finding a solution for myself and my daughter. One where I keep boundaries for myself. There is more to be told but that is all for now. Talk to you soon.

Tracey

I Can't Believe It Has Been So Long!!!

Well how are you? I am doing well, now. My daughter was sick for two weeks and that was not too fun. I am still attempting to find a more reliable work from home situation. You ask , what were you doing before? I was doing some freelance work for my local YMCA. However, I have made a big decision regading my daughter and her education, I have decided to homeschool her. So I am officially the single, work at home, homeschooling mama. I am confident in my decsion to be at home to raise my daughter. I have also decided to practice what I preach to my daughter. I tell her often, you have to dream big, follow your dreams, trust yourself, and believe in yourself. I have decided to follow this as my mantra. I am dreaming big, following my dreams, trusting myself, and believing in myself. Right now is the time. Right now!!!!!!!!
I am committing to writing on my blog at least once per week. I hope that you hold me accountable. Talk to you soon.

Tracey